In Defense of Traditional Marriage

Marriage is a touchy subject these days with so many differing and sometimes contradictory views of what a family is. The traditional marriage has been under an attack in the US and much of the western world. Seen by many as repressive, antiquated, and unnecessary, there has been a huge cultural shift in the way that we view and acquire families. More and more couples are choosing to forgo marriage and simply cohabitate instead. Isn’t that easier? Doesn’t that relieve the weight of a traditional – and legally binding – marriage?

Anyone can see how the public opinion and perception of marriage has changed in the media within just the past 20 years. We are much more hesitant to be married and those who do take that leap are doing it much later than we have seen in the past. According to the United States Census, our marriage rate is at an all-time low. Although Divorce numbers are dropping, and that may sound like a comforting statistic, until you realize that fewer marriages will certainly lead to fewer divorces. There are many factors that may affect this change but at this point the influence of those factors would only be speculation. This drop is not only found in traditionally liberal leaning populations, but is found across the board within even religious communities.

It is concerning for many to see these trends in our society and wonder where they might lead. Marriage is a beautiful binding of two people, literally and symbolically making two lives into one. You are united in everything, finances, future, potential, goals, dreams, etc. This idea is what leads us to the two most popular camps of thought; marriage brings you a safety net and reassurance of partnership and commitment, or that marriage is a hinderance to future success. Let’s take a closer look at these ideas:

Many who view marriage as a risk think that way because of the high likelihood of it ending in divorce. How could you not? With nearly 50% of all marriages ending in divorce it is almost as if you are flipping a coin on your future. What many in our younger generations seem not to understand is that marriage involves work. Although we hear that idea all of the time, the kind of work is often not what we expect it to be. I have spoken with many successfully married couples who talk about the hardest work being consistently choosing to love their spouse. It is inevitable for you to change and grow throughout your life. Frankly, if you’re not, you’re doing something wrong. You often hear the statement “they changed” given in a resentful tone but change is GOOD! We want people to grow, learn, and change; the choice is for you to decide to love who they are becoming.

There are obviously exceptions to this, unfortunately, people do not always make positive changes. Sometimes the person you love will change for the worst and then you have to decide whether or not you can love who they are becoming. So of course, there is an inherent risk in marriage, but that is one of the things that makes it so beautiful. By choosing to be bound to that person, you are showing your family, friends, and God that you love this person enough to take that leap and be a part of their journey with all of its highs and lows.

I asked my friends whether or not they thought that marriage was important, and if so why. Most of them commented on the beauty of the commitment. They said that it made them feel secure in their relationship and that they were able to trust that this person was just as invested as they were. This creates a comfortable and safe environment to grow and explore life. They also mentioned the responsibility; marriage is a responsibility but it is through it that you become more than you ever could have been on your own. Your life becomes about more than just you, and in a time where we are ever more concerned with ourselves it is more important than ever to be involved in something bigger than us.

Please feel free to comment, so that we can spark conversation!