Being Men & Women

Men and women have fundamental differences that are essential for families and for society. The reality of these differences is very hotly debated, but it is quite evident in science and to me throughout my daily experiences. They exist and have always played a large role in how culture functions. Not only Western/American culture either, you can see these differences show up in all cultures around the world. Some of the contention in this topic seems to come from the idea that the values that one gender has to offer are somehow more or less valuable than that of the other. This is not true! The unique differences of men and women are each wonderful and of immense value to build not only strong and functioning societies, but people as well.

Men have stronger inclinations to be competitive, assertive, protective, spatially aware, physically aggressive, etc. Women are more nurturing, socially driven, gentle, emotional, and so on. Now, I’m sure some of you read those and immediately thought that they were largely negative traits, but I’d like you to take a moment and consider I had flipped the roles of men and women. Is that more acceptable? Part of me wants to say yes, but why? For me it’s social, I have been conditioned to believe that everything that is inherent to men is only virtuous in women and vice versa. But, the beauty of these traits can really only be realized when men and women fulfill roles has husbands and wives, fathers and mothers. Women give men a way to hone their skills into protecting and providing for a wife/family. Men provide a secure space for women to nurture and influence those around her.

The beauty of a feminine life has been largely lost to many today, there is so much distaste for the roles of wife and mother. The world tells women that you can only find fulfillment when you leave the home and enter the workforce. That children are a waste of time or that they will end your life as you know it. And they’re right, children do teach you to care more about the needs of others than your own. This is a wonderful thing; the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself. We should be living our lives in the service of others. By looking at motherhood as a negative and repressive experience we miss out on the God-given power to raise the next generation. Instead, we see children only as burdens – an idea that leads many women to avoid motherhood at all costs.

Many young men are ignoring their innate drive for responsibility and respect; this leaves them feeling lost and unfulfilled. Just a few generations ago the goal of a boy was to grow up, marry, and start a family. He wanted to provide opportunities for his family to thrive, often at the deferment of their own praise or recognition. These are things that men would die for and today we cannot even keep fathers in the home. One of the largest issues affecting children in the United States today is father absence.

I believe that these are direct effects of largely eliminating gender roles and expectations. We lose sight of what we are born to be – parents who raise their children to know right from wrong. Growing up I never wanted to be a mother and was almost looking for excuses to avoid that role completely, even while living within a very traditional Christian religious denomination. It hasn’t been until recently that I have started to dream of motherhood. I dream of the ways that I can rear and nurture my children in a loving home. I dream of creating the best possible home and family for them with my future husband. I even dream of the day that they will begin to discern what I succeeded and failed at as their mother.

These are driving goals in my life now that even have directed my course of study. I feel like some of the knowledge of my potential as a mother and woman was robbed of me when I was younger by conflicting world views yelling that wanting those things was wrong. I wonder what would be different if I – and many others – were taught to accept and hone the beauty of our gender roles instead of seeing them as a non-existent or negative force to fight against.